Hey hey, here I am again. I have been putting this blog aside for quite some time as I hadn't had much time to blog since then till yesterday? Anyway, as usual many things happened, both good and very bad. I'll try to make each points short.

Good and Bad Stuff

1. Been quite busy nuturing sales

2. Went to KL for exhibition and seminar (Dr. M was one arm length away from me! haha..). Seminar has been quite enriching I would say but at the same time it was disappointing as I could jolly well see that at least 60% of the participants attended just for Dr.M's talk. Oh ya, did I mentioned I sat next to a Dr. M's no. 1 fan? hahaha..My goodness! It was hilarious having to sit next to a fan of Dr.M, the comments he made, the expressions and eagerness of wanting to meet him personally, etc HILARIOUS! Whoops.. Anyway, during the exhibition, met up with my Ecademist and it was fun!

3. After exhibition, went dinner with my ex-colleague whom was working from home in KL. Had great fun seeing her again, as usual she is full of nonsense just like I am! We had a couple of drinks after dinner and back to my hotel.

4. Still in KL, went for 9 holes with Rag and his parents. It was fun! But I played lousy. I guess it wasn't my day then! Oh well, got to practice practise!

5. Back in Singapore, celebrated my last year in 20s with my friends. I have not seen them for at least a year so they insisted on celebrating for me + with my gfs gang and bf. The first half of the celebration was amazing! I didn't know I could.. sing? It took me a while before I could "open" up and embarrassment and shyness was all chuck aside! The second half of the celebration, horrible is the word. Horrible was used because I was spending the night alone as I was told to shut up because of XXX.  I won't elaborate further as it was none of my business anymore.

6. Rag bought me a golf driver and his mom & dad bought me a wood/rescue + golf shoes + golf belt + golf polo shirt + golf socks! Simply too much! I almost got a heart-attack from all the pinks!

7. My amazing classmates bought me a pink shoe rack! I will take a picture of it and post it here once I am done with revamping my room (it is now under renovation!)

8. Rag and I almost broke off. Almost. We had quite a bit of issues which I have been closing my eyes on as I was focusing on his good points all the time and forgot about the bad points. That is definitely an unhealthy way of living I would say. I guess, my bubble burst as it was trigger by a certain behaviour of his. Don't get me wrong, he IS a nice guy. Too nice. Some times, when one comes to a certain age, you might see your life clearer. At least I did and it was scary! Trust me, it is best to ignore the feeling when it falls on you. Now, I am not so sure how much can I entrust my future happiness to him. I told him if he wants me, he got to work hard, show it and not by just talking about it. For the past few days, he has been working very hard but... some thing is telling me that he is going back to square..soon. Not sure why I get that feeling, maybe it's because of the trusting issue which I am facing right now or maybe it is because I know him too well.

9. I got myself a Canon SLR as a birthday & xmas gift to cheer myself up. It really did cheer me up alot! And the process of revamping my room... is cheering me up even further! :)

10. By the way, did I mentioned that I managed to succeed in making Blueberry Muffins? hahahha... it is another way of cheering myself up! 

I am Faith and I will never bow down to failures. YIPE!  

Just hung up with Rag a few minutes ago. *Thinking mode on*

He told me that he had a nightmare last night about us. The conversation goes:

Rag: I had a nightmare that woke me up feeling very upset.

Joey: What did you dream of? Me pulling your ears? hehehehe..

Rag: You & me. I was chasing after you desperately trying to explain to you that what you saw was just a misunderstanding! I was down at somewhere and a girl came along and held my hand then all of the sudden you walked by and saw her holding my hand. Then you started running, crying. I kept chasing after you, wanted to explain to you that it was a misunderstanding! I don't know who the girl was! I don't know why she held my hand! She just held me then you walked by and saw us! I was feeling very upset and I woke up feeling very uncomfortable and upset.

Joey: Hmmmm... I had a similar dream too but that was long time back and I told you before.

Rag: I was really very upset. Now I know how much I really love you! I can't lose you and I don't want to lose you.

Joey: Remember I told you that I dreamt about you being snatched away by someone else? I woke up crying and feeling very uncomfortable too. Everything seems so real and I almost thought it was real! Scary... Hmmm... why does all these sound so similar to the tv series I watched last night?! You didn't even watched it! hahahahaha.. funny! The tv series goes, a very nice husband turned into a not-so-nice husband when he has an affair with another girl behind his 5 years marriage. When his wife found out that he betrayed her and she left. He went after her but she has already packed her bags and left home. Toot, don't ever do that to me okie? If I were to find out that you betray me without tell me, I will never forgive you. If in future you were to fall for somebody else, please do tell me. Don't let me find out by myself. At least the cut will not be that painful.

Rag: I will. But it will not happen. I know myself too well. I am a super slow starter when comes to relationship. And you should know that I don't just fall in love easily. I love you too much and I don't want to hurt you at all in any circumstances. Loving you is scary!

Joey: What?! Loving me is scary?! Humph!!!!!!

Rag let out a big laughter for a long time!

Joey: Ya, ya! Laugh somemore! Humph!!!!!

Rag: Well, loving you so much and the thought of losing you is scary. In the dream, I was really panicking and feeling desperate! I can even feel it when I woke up! I never want to hurt you or to make you cry... Anyway, it was just a dream. We have to meet up! I have not seen you for ten days! I really missed you... I can't wait to see you tomorrow!

Joey giggled and topic changed.

To be honest, in life nothing is guranteed. When it comes, it comes. What is yours, eventually will be yours and what doesn't belongs to you, will never be yours even no matter how hard you try to hold on to it. Just have to learn to let go. Actually, I am prepared if such things were to happen to me. Been there, done that. Ever since the last pain, I never allowed myself to get hurt. Even if I have to get hurt, I would try all means to minimize the pain. I have learnt, life is too short to be miserable. Just treasure the good times even if it is only a few seconds and don't be too obsessed with it. Even oneself is unhappy, doesn't mean that the whole world have to go down the drain with you.  

People always say "Actions speak louder than words", I totally agree! I don't need him to say he loves me or he misses me everyday, I don't need him to whisper sweet nothings into my ears because to me, talk is cheap. Actions proved much more worthy and sturdy.

I haven't been feeling well since last night and been complaining of headaches and bodyaches! Argh, I don't want to be sick! Dislike the feeling! Anyway, Rag knew that I was sick and this morning he said,"I will come over to your place." I thought he was joking! Well, you see, he's weird man. He never likes to do sweet things that will take up most of his time! I remembered once I was so sick that I have to lay in bed the whole day, no calls or even an sms from him the whole day until coming bed time for him. And I am used to it now. That's just him. But what he did today came to me more of a shock rather than a surprise.

He called me around 15 minutes after 12 o'clock. "I am coming over with your lunch. I know you did not eat your breakfast and neither will you eat your lunch." he said. "Huh??" is the only reaction that I can come out with then. "I thought of just popping by to your place without telling you to give you a surprise but on a second thought, it would be better to call and make sure you've not eaten yet." he replied. "Hmm.. no, please don't do this. It is a hassle for you to travel all the way here and then leave. You have alot of things to do at work as you said last night." I replied. "Too late.. I have ordered your food. And moreover, I want to see you. I have to take care of you." he said sheepishly. "But..but.. I am in my bear PJ! I'm so ugly!" I said nervously. "Don't change it! I want to see you in your bear PJ! So cute! Anyway, I am coming in 20 minutes time!" he said cheekily. Seriously, at the moment, I was so close to banging my head on the walll! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I thought he was trying to make me nervous until I heard the background talks about takeaways!

15 minutes later, he appeared infront of my door with 2 siew mai, 2 char siew bao, 1 box of vegetables, 1 box of porridge, 1 box of prawn rolls, business times and IS magazine! I stood there staring at... the food. He smiled and said,"Aren't you going to let me in? It's really warm standing out here with hands full!" I was speechless. I was so closed to tearing. Touched by his actions. He accompanied me for awhile before he left for work again. I was left sitting clueless to whatever has happened! Whatever made him changed so much, it was all good I believed.  

(Based on Rag) Last night in the mid of the conversation with him, I blurted out,"You know what? This is the first time ever in my life I feel alive!" And I giggle non-stop. I was in my own world then. I could not hear what he was saying on the other end of the line, I could only hear my giggles.

Words slowly started to rush out. "Because of what I am doing now, makes me feel so useful! Real solid job! I mean SOLID! It is so unlike the routinal jobs I used to have! I am blasting with energy, ideas, words and of course aggressiveness now! I used to have lots of those but was never put into use at all, just because noone is willing to give me a chance to show what I am capable of! How unfair!  I guess, I just have to live with it! Welcome to the real world Joey! " I ended that with a loud laughter. Rag was trying so hard to get me back from my own la-la land,"HALLO? RADIO-ing JOEY FROM EARTH!" I felt a soft thud in my head. I am back. "Ya?", I said. I was quite embarrassed then. Rag attacked on what I said,"You were never useless. You were always very useful, just that all your previous jobs were all very routine! So can you say that people who has odd jobs are all useless?" I was doubled embarrassed!  I don't meant that way when saying about being useless! Well you see, in all my previous job I can afford to sleep or do my own stuff during office hours with all my work done! Everything are always done within less than a day! Everyone was envious that I had nothing to do! But on my end, I was always stressing over nothing to do and worrying that my bosses will reprimand me for doing nothing! It was really tough during those days, for doing nothing. And everyday, I secretly pray for a miracle, for a real solid job like what I have right now. Able to give ideas and to be busy! That was what I meant. I guess I did not phrase my sentence correctly then. I was in my own world using my own "language"! What do you expect?!  Anyway, I am now happily being busy! I think if one is able to do what he/she wanted very badly, he/she will be really happy no matter how much work was given to accomplish. Rag calls that job satisfaction. And I totally agree!  Now again, I am praying to have more challenges than what I am having now! I admit, I am a self-torture freak! And I am loving every bit of it!

Right after Rag left for the airport, my heart felt heavy. I looked down from the window, hoping to catch the last glimpse of him. I felt so empty all of the sudden! I looked around the house and it felt so cold. Immediately I texted him,"I feel so empty! Seems like something is missing from here!". He replied,"Now you know how I feel when you leave from my place!" Hmm...  So, that's how he felt. I finally understood what he meant by "he felt empty". All along I thought he was silly to having to think in that way! My mind just could not stop thinking about him so I tried to watch my favourite CSI on tv to get my brain to change its topic. It was so hard! What he said before he left the house was revolving around my mind,"You know, I am going to miss you very much. When you are not around my place, I am already missing you badly but now I am going far away for a few days, my heart felt even much more heavier." and he gave me the sad puppy look.  His words just kept circling over and over in my mind. Before he board his flight, he sent me a last text,"I love you very much...more and more everyday." My heart just sank deep down for awhile then fluttering high up in the sky! It was really sweet of him. He has been very sweet these days and I am wondering why.  I mean, the sweetness level is way beyond his limit or maybe he have changed? Oh well, whatever it is I am happy for its presence and ain't going to complain about it!

Last night, there was a super weird chinese movie on tv and I just couldn't help it but finished watching it. Initially, I thought it was going to be those God of Gambler kind of show (I like that!) but it turned out to be something else.  In summary, it was about a gambler who was seduce by a man into gambling more when he could have stopped gambling for the sake of his family. But the man said one thing,"There is no such thing as free lunch, everything you choose you have to pay for its price. And remember it is your choice." So they exchanged promises, the man promised him that he would help him achieved a billion dollars and a title of God of Gambler in exchange with two things. One, he must not tell anyone who helped him and Two, when he feels that he is going to stop he has to pay it forward to somebody else. The gambler lost his billion dollars and himself when he pay it forward to his friend and his friend got addicted to gambling. At the end of the show, he finally realized that who that man was, it was devil who was seducing him all the time and causing him to lose more than a billion dollars. He lost himself and his love ones. This show is really strange as it was very Christian! I have never watched any Chinese movies that involves devil and his work before. Really odd.. But anyway, this show makes me realized one thing about life. In our daily life, we have to make different decisions and the results always depend on what we have chose. Whatever the end results are, we have to bear the consequences. If we know it is wrong to take the bad path, why choose it and have to suffer the consequences later? I guess that is just so human! Human always prefer to have fun first then deal with things later or prefer to run away from consequences after enjoying. What good does it do for us? For me, I prefer to suffer now then enjoy the fruit later.